Have you noticed that politics is really the only occupation where you are expected to personally insult everyone else running against you?  In any other situation that would make you seem like an insufferable asshole and you would never in a million years be hired.

Like, could you imagine going for an interview at like Denny’s or someplace and being all, “I’m qualified for this job because I have xyz experience. AND I also know for a fact that that other girl you just interviewed would literally be the world’s worst waitress.  We might have the same amount of experience but hers was at a dinner place so she doesn’t know how people like their eggs.  She’s openly stated that she likes home fries rather than hash browns and we cannot change that tradition around here, it is sacred and we will lose customers!  I also just happened to be hiding in her bushes one night and heard her mention Hanukkah, meaning that she’s Jewish, which obviously means that she can’t eat our delicious bacon and sausage and will  try to convert our innocent customers into eating at other diners.  And you know, we don’t even know if she’s one of us, I mean, there’s an inside scoop that she’s secretly part of the Waffle House Illuminati and is conspiring to shut us down entirely.  If you hire her as a waitress this whole restaurant will spontaneously go up in flames, just you see.  Anyway, thank you so much for your time! :D”